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Im 22 Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:35:23 604701
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This is gonna be large post bc I thought I need to mention some details. 4chab doesn't let me post on /adv/ bc ip is blocked due to some reason.
I need your help anon, I feel really desperate. There's a fucking chaos in my head, so please have patience to read this. Thank you in advance.

Basically there are a couple of problems that severely corrupt my life.
1. Daydreaming to me is like a fucking addiction, a painkiller, a short way to get out of reality. I dream of the past, how I could have done things the other way and avoid mistakes and succeed. Everytime I listen to music, I start daydreaming, for example, imagines myself on stage performing, singing a song, and there are friends and people I know, especially girls looking at me and being amazed of how cool i am. If I look at some girls IG page, I start dreaming of how I meet her, flirt with her, go on a date with her etc. When I watch sports, I imagine myself as one of those players, start to imitate celebration of scoring a goal, you know, running, waving hands, making all these silly signs etc.
This dirty habit is glued to the core of my mind, and I struggle to cope with it.

2. Back when I studied at university, I had a crush. This was the first time I fell in love so hard since primary school. We talked on the internet sometimes but I never managed to make next steps. Ultimately, after 7 months of being sort of friends I told her that I love her. The she dumped me. First three days after that I was fine, then anxiety hit me like for a month. I felt really depressed, I thought only about her. After that I started to low-key hating her for dumping me. The key moment is I struggled to love any other girl ever since bc each time a possible gf emerged I compared her to my crush. So it seems to me I'm can't love a girl as much as I loved my crush.
Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:36:36 604712
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Hey, /adv/, this is gonna be large post bc I thought I need to mention some details.
I need your help anon, I feel really desperate. There's a fucking chaos in my head, so please have patience to read this. Thank you in advance.

Basically there are a couple of problems that severely corrupt my life.
1. Daydreaming to me is like a fucking addiction, a painkiller, a short way to get out of reality. I dream of the past, how I could have done things the other way and avoid mistakes and succeed. Everytime I listen to music, I start daydreaming, for example, imagines myself on stage performing, singing a song, and there are friends and people I know, especially girls looking at me and being amazed of how cool i am. If I look at some girls IG page, I start dreaming of how I meet her, flirt with her, go on a date with her etc. When I watch sports, I imagine myself as one of those players, start to imitate celebration of scoring a goal, you know, running, waving hands, making all these silly signs etc.
This dirty habit is glued to the core of my mind, and I struggle to cope with it.

2. Back when I studied at university, I had a crush. This was the first time I fell in love so hard since primary school. We talked on the internet sometimes but I never managed to make next steps. Ultimately, after 7 months of being sort of friends I told her that I love her. The she dumped me. First three days after that I was fine, then anxiety hit me like for a month. I felt really depressed, I thought only about her. After that I started to low-key hating her for dumping me. The key moment is I struggled to love any other girl ever since bc each time a possible gf emerged I compared her to my crush. So it seems to me I'm can't love a girl as much as I loved my crush.

3. The crush thing happened simultaneously with my sort of "existential crisis" at the same period.
I became disappointed in hedonistic,agnostic worldview, so in 2017 I decided to return to Christian faith because. I went to a protestant church, dropped after a month. Then I went to a Catholic church, dropped after a month too. After this until this day there was periods when I read the Bible and prayed, but each time it lasted for a couple of weeks maximum. The reason of it because my faith most of the time was emotionally driven plus basically I was larping as a christian, deus vult and stuff.
Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:37:52 604723
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Oh fuck I failed to post properly...anyway,

So I'm 22yo right now and I find myself absolutely lost, I don't know what I want to believe in, what I want to do. Maybe Im also sexually frustrated (last time I had sex in 2017), but refused to acknowledge it.
Consider it with the fact that I regularly browse /pol/ since 2016. I'm extremely bewildered and confused. My worldview is still chaotic. I struggle to understand whether my desire to go deep into all these red pills and conspiracy theories is genuine will to investigate or it is just my disappointment due to not achieving anything meaningful in life and sexual frustration that led to this overwhelming interest in far right ideology, that I project my discontent.

What should I do, anon. Help me. I feel so miserable...
Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:38:40 604734
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Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:39:53 604745
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Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:40:53 604756
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Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:41:40 604767
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Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 20:43:40 604778
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Anonymous  04/08/19 Вск 22:05:20 604829
>>60470 (OP)
just go to your local synagogue they will answer everything.
Anonymous  09/08/19 Птн 00:46:58 6060810
Anonymous  09/08/19 Птн 03:38:38 6061011
stop whining, go see your babushka and listen to her tales about her childhood
Anonymous  11/08/19 Вск 22:14:51 6071012
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>>60470 (OP)
sound like a cuck. My life advice is take it easy. Literally if you think you're having a bad time convince yourself that you aren't. When the day is dark, dont remember happy day, just convince yourself that the day isn't dark
Anonymous  13/08/19 Втр 01:45:32 6074413
>>60472
Sounds like role confusion and alot of anxiety. Try taking a break from 2ch, or maybe the internet in general.
There must be some offline hobby you enjoy.
Anonymous  13/08/19 Втр 12:09:38 6075314
>>60744
>taking a break from 2ch
impossible
Anonymous  13/08/19 Втр 13:20:51 6075415
Anonymous  13/08/19 Втр 21:56:10 6075916
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Anonymous  14/08/19 Срд 22:15:13 6079417
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